Stomach Flu

Don’t read this:

Last Thursday The Max was yakking and dry heaving into our family’s designated ‘puke bowl’ for a good 12-16 hours.  On Friday he was feeling better but I was queasy so I stayed home afraid I was going to develop the same symptoms at my job.  It was snowing like crazy on Friday, and the last thing I wanted was to be cooped up in my car for thirty-five miles while barfing.  But, I was fine.  The weekend treated me well until Sunday night I was on a phone call and mentioned how I thought I might vomit.  The other person on the call mentioned several times when they had thrown up and dry heaved and all that puke talk did it for me.  I lost my can of Campbell’s chicken soup and the handful of hot tamales I’d eaten for dinner.

Went to work on Monday feeling OK.  I thought I musta gotten lucky and avoided the full on stomach flu.  ‘Bout four o’clock in the afternoon every ounce of fluid in my body exited me.  Being sick is never pleasant, but I was in the midst of one of those illnesses you seem to outgrow when you are 12.  By ten o’clock last night there was nothing left inside of me.  I bought a scale last weekend for the purpose of weighing moving boxes so I had recently weighed myself.  I was down seven pounds.  That’s gross.

So, I was then at the point where my tounge was begging for drops of water.  I spent until about three in the morning with a stop watch set to three minutes.  At the end of each three minute term I allowed myself a sip of water, any more than that would not sit right in my stomach.  There were a couple times I just couldn’t stand it and gulped down a swallow of H2O only to have it be rejected  shortly after.

I think I am on the upswing.  My stomach is much better, though my body feels like somebody locked me in a clothes dryer all night. I really want some coffee for this headache.  But, I got to watch The Price is Right today.

There’s not many things more repulsive than hearing someone describe their illnesses, you’re welcome.

Gassy Gus

My recent absence is the result of a frantic rush to get my house packed up at least one week before moving day.  I can do most things last minute and half arsed, but moving is an art form and I have it perfected.  I believe most of my woes so far as packing is concerned is the result of owning too much crap.  I believe most of my woes so far as owning too much crap is the result of spending weekends at thrift stores.  I can spend an hour or more browsing the rejected goods, walk away with one choice find and buy The Max a toy and it never costs me more than ten bucks.

Yesterday I was suffering cardboard box overload and left the house to visit a nearby Salvation Army.  While I carefully picked out a BRAND NEW REI SWEATSHIRT for 2.99 (tags on-thank you very much) Max found himself a game.  The game was called, Gassy Gus. Twenty years ago, if I had brought that same game up to my mother, she would have shamed me, for nice young girls DO NOT play with toys that induce gas.  Mom always used the word, “toot” because fart was basically a swear word in our home.

I was about to tell my son to put the game back and find some nice toy trucks when I figured I could make a post out of such a strange toy.  We all know I have been lacking as of late, so I told him to toss it on the counter and allow the lady with the killer eye glasses chain to ring it up.

There he is.  The game is simple.  You are dealt cards with foods on them like broccoli and pizza.  Each card has a point value and when you play a card you have to pump Gus’ head.  Pumping his head fills his stomach with gas.  The goal is to get rid of all your cards before you cause Gus to ‘blast gas’.  If, on your turn Gus blasts gas, you are required to take two more cards.  To make the game interesting there are additional cards called “Belly Blaster Cola”.  You can add a cola card to anyone’s turn and they have to add three additional pumps to Gus’ torment.

It’s a game about farting. Fart Fart Fart.  (Sorry Mom)

Here’s a video of what Gus sounds like when he blasts gas.  And from now on, I am not going to say fart.  I will simply ask those who smell like eggs if they are a Gassy Gus.

Frizzle Frazzle

Countdown to THE BIG MOVE is officially underway.  All this means is that I have decided on a date to drive the golf ball into the sunset.  I kinda want people to decorate my vehicle like I was a newlywed, only have them write “Just became jobless and homeless” instead of Just Married.

But plans are set.  I found a mover.  I emailed my notice to my job, and half my house is packed into boxes that used to contain eggs and bacon that were served at the restaurant where I will work for a bit longer.  And while I truly am sad about the people who I love that I am leaving behind, I am sooo excited.

Q: What’s more annoying and exaggerating words by elongating them?

A:  Repeating them with more emphasis.

I am SSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited about my move.

BEST #11 – Best excuse for ignoring your blog.

I had one.  I had a whirlwind sort of weekend, and now it is over.

And how ’bout them Vikings?!

BEST #10 – Best image for new site!

I have been mssing around on the internet for quite a few years.  I have been trying to make a site for most of those.  My CSS savvy sister is helping me finally get it done.   Well, she is doing the work, I am like the never satisfied lady in Sleepless in Seattle who makes Tom Hanks move the kitchen cabinets around repeatedly.    Anyhow, here’s a image she created.  It basically is a representation of my nights after Max passes out from too much fun and warm milk.

Thank you Sarah!

BEST #9 – Best trivial facebook page of the moment

Team Conan

Something else I’ll end up deleting in a month.

BEST #8 – Best cheat for N Card Game in Mario 3

Took this from themushroomkingdom.net.

I bought my Wii mostly for this 8-bit game and have since geeked out plenty looking up stuff online to help assist me in rescuing that princess who can’t keep herself out of trouble.

Best #7 – Best Soup Sign

Which end, I wonder?

BEST #6 – Best Minneapolis Restaurant of the decade:

Local alt. paper Vita.mn made a whole bunch of ‘best’ lists.  Click here if you want to see more.  Here’s the best restaurants:

I feel pretty lucky to be employed by the #1 spot.  I’m really gonna miss that place when I leave.

BEST #5 – Best thing about tomorow:

I have the day off.